A Police Box in the Plaza
by DocFanFive-TimeTraveler
Summary: When the TARDIS lands in Police Plaza in Haven City, all signs point to Artemis Fowl. But when the Doctor steps out, Holly Short may end up having to deal with two geniuses, the Doctor and Artemis. Placed between "Artemis Fowl" and "The Arctic Incident"
1. Fowl Play?

Chapter 1 Fowl Play?

Captain Holly Short was having a fine day until she received reports of a panic in Police Plaza. Being the only female in LEPRecon, she often got stuck with doing the most mundane tasks. She had hoped that that would stop after the Fowl affair, but she hadn't hoped to be tasked with something like this.

Commander Root strode into her tiny office, holding up a sheaf of papers. "Foaly wants to see you, Short."

Holly didn't even look up. "Yes? What about?"

"Something about a human Police Box from the 1960's landing in the center of Police Plaza."

This time, Holly looked up. "A… human police box?"

"That's right, Short. And I want you to go take a look. Foaly wants to see you first, and brief you on it." Root took a long draw on his cigar, then let the smoke drift across the room. "And you know why I want _you _to go look at it."

"Fowl?" said Holly. She was entirely focused now, her head up from the mountain of papers left over from the Fowl Affair. "You think that Fowl would be so utterly daft as to press his luck with us by parking a 1960's POLICE BOX in the center of our fairy civilization? Fowl doesn't even know where we live, or he would have come after us ages ago instead of stealing some alcoholic sprite's copy of the Book!"

Root nodded. "Yes. That being said, I want you to go take a look at it. To me, it seems like the very thing that Fowl would do! And despite the fact that the technology may seem impossible for Fowl to have done, I still want you to take care of it. Are you running hot?"

Holly nodded.

"Really?"

"Yessir. I won't make that mistake again, not after the Fowl Affair. I topped off two days ago, and haven't done anything but heal a minor bruise or two." She looked almost abashed, but technically, the Fowl Affair had been partly her fault.

"Good. Now go see Foaly." When Holly protested, Root put his foot down. "And that's an order, Short."

With a minimum of grumbling, Holly got out of her chair, tidied up her desk, snapped a quick salute, then went off to see Foaly.

When she got to Foaly's command pod, she found the centaur already elbow deep in supplies.

"Oh, hello Holly!" he said, greeting her cheerfully. "I'm glad that Root sent you!" he straightened up with a gun and holster in his hand, which he placed on the table next to him. He straightened his tinfoil hat, then handed the gun to Holly. "Neutrino 2000. You used this during the Fowl Affair, correct?"

Holly nodded, and strapped the gun holster to her waist. She checked the gun, hefting it a few times in her palm, then returned it to its holster. "Anything else?"

"Let's see…" Foaly said, pulling a helmet off of a rack. "Standard issue, nothing really fancy. Standard camera and mike on top, whisper activated mike for you, gel speakers, computer link with a holographic display. A bit nicer than what you had during the fowl affair, but nothing really fancy." He tossed the helmet to Holly. She didn't put it on right away, but held it loosely in the crook of her arm. "We also have a locator for you, in case Fowl tries something funny and kidnaps you again," he threw her what looked like a black wristwatch, "And… that's about it, I'm afraid. That's all I've been authorized to give you."

He leaned over and gave her a hug. "Good luck, Holly. My techs have been trying to get in there all day, and we've had no luck. It's no ordinary police box. And that means that whoever is inside it…"

"Is no ordinary person." Finished Holly. For the first time since getting the assignment, she felt nervous.'

Holly drew her gun and approached the tall blue box. The elfin techs that had been surrounding it, running all sorts of sensors all over it trying to get it open stepped away from the elf with the gun. She pulled on her helmet and mirrored her visor. It was a 'just-in-case' sort of thing, but if this was Fowl, she didn't want to take any chances. She raised a hand to the door, and knocked.

Nothing happened for a moment. She raised her hand to knock, and suddenly the door opened. She jumped back and raised her gun. Stepping out of the box was a tall man wearing black boots and pants, a light colored shirt, red suspenders and bow tie, and a tweed jacket. He had brown hair so dark it was almost black, styled like an out-of-control comb over, but this young man wasn't going bald.

He looked around, his eyes wide, until his eyes landed on Holly and her gun. "Oh." He said. "Amy, Rory, come out here." Two other humans came out of the box, a male and a female. The woman was also tall and thin, with bright red hair, a nondescript short-sleeve shirt, and a very mini skirt. Holly assumed that this was Amy. The man, who Holly assumed was Rory, was, as the other two were, tall and thin, with light brown short hair, jeans and sneakers, a long-sleeved t-shirt and a black vest jacket.

"Uhhhhh, Doctor?" said Rory. "What's going on?"

"Yeah." Added Amy. "Where exactly are we?"

"I have absolutely no idea…" he said, slowly stepping forward and closing the door behind him. "This is very not good." He reached into his jacket to pull something out, but Holly didn't let him. She flicked the setting of her gun to a medium stun, and shot him. He stared at her for a moment, then collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

"What have you done?" cried Amy, she ran at Holly, but Holly just calmly shot her too. She collapsed to the ground in front of where the Doctor lay. Rory slowly raised his hands in surrender, but Holly wasn't taking any chances. She fired one last time. Rory collapsed to the ground as well.

Activating her mike, Holly whispered, "This is Captain Short. I have prisoners, interrogation is suggested." There was a pause, an affirmative, and Holly sat down to wait for the Retrieval squad to come in.


	2. Truth Will Set You Free, Or So They Say

Chapter 2 The Truth Will Set You Free (Or So They Say)

When the Doctor woke up, he could have been in any police station's interrogation room. It had the same uncomfortable chairs, same sterile environment that seemed engineered to make the inhabitant uncomfortable, and the same interrogators sitting across the table staring at you, as if they could stare into your mind and read your guilt. The only thing that distinguished this particular interrogation room was its size. It was tiny. Tiny enough to be a child's playhouse, but the two people sitting across the table were anything but children.

There were two of them. One was the stereotypical cop- a male with a buzz cut and a serious face. He kept taking long drags on his cigar, whilst regarding the Doctor with a serious (And slightly scary) expression. The Doctor blinked slightly and leaned away slightly as his cigar smoke wafted across the tiny room and into his face.

The other was a petite female. She had darker skin than the male, who was fairly pale, and short brown hair. She loosely held in her hands a helmet and a gun. The Doctor had a fairly good idea that this… woman was the one who had shot him, and probably Amy and Rory, too. Then he noticed something. Although these people were short, that wasn't the oddest thing about them. They had pointy ears.

_Fairies?_ Thought the Doctor. _I've seen a lot of things, but… fairies? This is… new._

"Excuse me." He said, looking across the table. "If I wasn't cuffed to this chair, I'd offer to shake your hands. My name is the Doctor. Where are my friends- they came in the TARDIS with me- Amy and Rory?"

Holly leaned over, staring up at the Doctor but still managing to give the impression that she was looking down on him. "Doctor Who?" she asked

"Just the Doctor." Sighed the Doctor. "Where are Amy and Rory?"

"And you're a doctor of what, exactly?" asked Holly. "And don't expect us to answer your questions until you answer ours."

"Oh, I'm a doctor of many things, many things." Replied the Doctor distractedly. "I've answered your questions, how about you answer some of mine, hmm?"

Holly looked at Root, but he shook his head. He then pulled out a picture of Artemis Fowl on a small portable screen. He flicked the screen, and it became a 3-D holographic model, which slowly spun for the Doctor's benefit. "Do you know who this is?" he asked gruffly.

The Doctor's face showed his confusion. "No. Who is he? Should I know who it is?"

Holly snorted. "You should. You work for him after all."

"What?" said the Doctor, becoming even more confused. "_Work_ for him? Unless he's a Time Lord in disguise, which I highly doubt because they're all _dead,_ then in no way shape of form do I work for him. He's what, thirteen? Why would I work for a fourteen year old?"

"Because this _boy_ is a member of one of the richest families in the world. He's also one of only three humans who know for a fact that we exist. Well… Three before today, now it's six. And we hope to get that number back down to three by the end of the day." Holly looked threateningly at the Doctor. "Unless you can properly explain what you're doing here."

"Five." Said the Doctor, slightly annoyed.

"What?" said Root, looking at the Doctor with a very annoyed expression on his face. "Is that some sort of code?"

"Five. As of now, only five humans know for a fact that you exist." The Doctor stared at Holly and Root, his irritation showing on his face.

"Really." Said Holly, obviously not believing him. "Well, then. Who's been mind-wiped and/or killed?"

The Doctor's head snapped up. "Killed? What? NO! No killing. Not by me, anyway. And the only person I've ever mind-wiped was Donna Noble, but just so she'd forget about me and our adventures. Because she'd've died if I hadn't."

"Well, then, how do you get only five humans who know about us?" said Holly, genuinely curious now.

"Well," said the Doctor, "this Artemis Fowl, the other two that you mentioned, that makes three. Plus Amy and Rory. That's five."

"And you say that you don't have proof that we exist?" laughed Root. "You're being interrogated by us right now!"

The Doctor laughed. "No, of course I have proof of your existence- As you said, I'm being interrogated by you right now!" The Doctor leaned over as far as the restraints would let him, and lowered his voice. "I'm just not human."

There was stunned silence for a moment, then Root laughed. "Not a human, you say? What are you then an overgrown elf with non-pointy ears? A civilized troll perhaps?"

The Doctor seemed to miss the sarcasm in his tone as he answered. "Nah. I'm just an alien."

"A what?" said Holly, staring at him.

"An alien. A Time Lord, to be specific-" started the Doctor.

"So we're expected to believe that you're some sort of Martian?" laughed Holly. "Good luck with that."

"Yes- wait, no! No, I'm not from Mars. I'm from Gallifrey, in the constellation Kasterborous. Galactic coordinates ten-zero-eleven-zero-zero by zero-two from galactic zero centre, but it's no good looking for it. It's gone now." He looked almost forlornly at the ceiling. "It burnt with the Time Lords and the Daleks during the great Time War. As I said…" he looked back at the two LEP officers, a sadness in his eyes betraying his true age in opposition to his youthful appearance. "It's gone now."

Holly raised an eyebrow at the "_Doctor's"_ drabble. "Then you have no way to substantiate your claims."

"Well, maybe not my claim that I'm from Gallifrey. But I should be able to prove that I'm not human, at least. You could scan me, tell that my biology is vastly different from humans." He shrugged. "or you could keep asking me pointless questions that I don't have any answers fro, because I don't know what I'm doing here." He looked around for a bit, then continued, "Or even where 'here' is."


	3. Explainations and Release

Chapter 3 Explanations and Release

"Well, maybe not my claim that I'm from Gallifrey. But I should be able to prove that I'm not human, at least. You could scan me, tell that my biology is vastly different from humans." He shrugged. "Or you could keep asking me pointless questions that I don't have any answers fro, because I don't know what I'm doing here." He looked around for a bit, then continued, "Or even where 'here' is."

"Then you deny that you work for Artemis Fowl?" asked Root, leaning over and, despite the fact that he had to look up to look the doctor in the eye, managed to appear to be looking down on him.

"Yes, absolutely, I do deny, wholeheartedly!" exclaimed the Doctor, seemingly exasperated. "I don't know who this Artemis Fowl is, though, frankly based on the way you're reacting to the fact that I _might_ be working for him makes me want to meet him very much. What is he then, some sort of genius?"

"A genius, yes." Said Holly, in a tone of voice that suggested to the Doctor that there was some bad blood between them. "But a criminal genius. He kidnapped me earlier this year and held me for ransom- he ended up getting half a metric ton of gold."

_Ah, _thought the Doctor, _there's the bad blood._

"He lives in Ireland, near Dublin-" started Holly, when the Doctor cut her off.

"Ireland, of course! That's why I've never heard of him. I haven't been to Ireland in years. Or won't be there for years…" he sighed, then when he caught Root and Holly's confused stares, he shrugged. "Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey, don't worry about it."

"As I was saying," continued Holly, "he's Irish. And all three of you have accents corresponding to basically the same part of Europe as Ireland."

"Oi! Lots of planets have areas with similar accents! We could be from a human colony in the future, you've got no PROOF that we're working for this Fowl! So why don't you start asking questions that matter, instead of throwing accusations." The Doctor was annoyed now, and he was showing it. He hated when people assumed he was the enemy (unless they were Cybermen or Daleks or Silurians or Nestine or… well, really any of the baddies).

"We have no proof at this moment." came a voice from the door. The Doctor looked up to see a centaur standing there.

"Oh, brilliant! I've dealt with aliens, even werewolves. But you… you're much more fun. A real centaur! Oh, this is CHRISTMAS!" the Doctor would have gotten up and started pumping Foaly's hand, but he was cuffed to a chair.

Foaly looked with surprise at the Doctor, then said in a dry tone to Root, "Are you sure you want to see what goes on in this one's mind? He seems a bit crazy, might burn out the machine."

Root nearly growled, then said gruffly, "Hook him up, we need proof before bringing Fowl in."

Foaly approached the Doctor with what looked like a pair of kitchen plungers. "Hold still, and this won't hurt a bit."

"Oh, what's that?" said the Doctor, looking at the plungers. "I bet that those are retinal imaging scanners! Oh, you're going to see what I saw and see if I've seen Mr. Fowl. Fascinating! And damn near impossible to beat, too. You'd have to scrub the retina itsel-" his voice broke off as the sedative in the imagers knocked him out. Root rubbed his temples as if he had a headache, and Foaly grinned.

"Oh, I like him! He both bothers you and knows what I'm talking about!" Foaly laughed, and Root glared at him. His face immediately became serious, then he began looking though the images from the Doctor's mind. "Let's see…" he put in the image of Fowl, and set the computer to search for hits on his face.

The computer pinged, and Foaly looked at the results. "He's never seen him before." He said, pointing to the hit counter. "This is normal- general shape of the face, expression, etcetera. If it was higher than that, I'd say that he might have seen a photo other than the one that you just showed him. But he has never met Mr. Fowl, or communicated over a video chat, or anything like that."

"But he might have gotten his orders from Fowl's friend, that Butler." Growled Root, determined now to get the Doctor in for something- _anything!_

But Foaly shook his head. "No." he said. "I thought of that too, ran through the entire contents of Fowl's household. He's never met or even seen a picture of any of them. Let it go, Commander. He's no threat."

Holly slammed her palm down on the table. "But he KNOWS! He knows we exist, we can't just let him go out there and maybe even contact Fowl!"

"The Doctor knows about far more than just us." Foaly said. "He's an alien. If he tried to blow the whistle on us, it's likely that he'd be the first to be dissected. So I doubt that we need to worry about that."

"And his associates?" growled Root, stubbing out his cigar.

"They're human. But they travel with him. If they tried to tell anyone about us, then they'd have to tell people about him. And…" Foaly trailed off.

"And WHAT, you…" Root broke off into some rather colorful insults in gnomish, while Foaly waited patiently for him to finish.

"Are you done?" said Foaly, folding his hands across his chest. When Root mutely nodded, Foaly continued. "You should wash out your mouth with soap, Commander."

"What?"

"Nothing." Said Foaly, done pressing his luck for the day. "As low as your opinion of humans is, there is something to be said for their sense of loyalty. I doubt that these two would betray a man that they obviously consider their friend in order to get a scoop, or whatnot."

"So we just let them go?" spoke up Holly.

"No. We let them go, but we slip some trackers on their clothing and on the big blue box of theirs." said Foaly, looking to Root for confirmation. When Root nodded, Foaly produced a small chip from one of the pockets in his lab jacket and slipped it into the Doctor's shoe. "I already chipped his companions while they were unconscious, and the box was tagged as soon as it arrived."

Holly looked dispassionately at the Doctor. "So why are we chipping him?"

"So that if he goes anywhere near young Master Fowl, we pick both of them up and see what they're up to." growled Root. "Wake him up, and tell him that we're letting him go."

Foaly nodded, and pressed an adrenalin patch to the Doctor's neck. The imagers had already been removed, and he sat bolt upright. He stretched as best he could cuffed to a chair, then said, "Well? Are you going to let me go then?"

"You have been found to have nothing to do with Artemis Fowl, as have your associates." said Root, staring down the Doctor.

"Are you letting us go, then?" asked the Doctor again.

Root sighed, abut clicked a button on the table and the cuffs on the Doctor opened. He slowly stood up and stretched. "We're letting you go, for now. If any proof arises that you've been telling anyone about us, or have gone to see Fowl, you'll be right here, right away."

The Doctor gave a quick mock salute, tapping his index and middle fingers against his temple. "Aye, aye, sir. No Fowl-hunting for us. I'll be off, then." He turned and walked to the door, expecting it to be open. When it wasn't he reached into his jacket- but found that he didn't have his jacket.

"My jacket! Where's my jacket- that's alien tech, not for you!" he cried.

Foaly looked at him, then looked at Root. Once Root had nodded, Foaly threw the Doctor his jacket. He put it on quickly, glancing back at the fairies as he riffled though his pockets to make sure that nothing was missing. Nothing was, but everything seemed a tad bit out of its normal place. But he didn't say anything, just sonicked the door and strode out, glancing back at them slightly nervously. He had to duck his head though the office, and ignore the stares of all the fairies in the LEP building.

He met up with Amy and Rory back at the TARDIS. As soon as they had all stepped in, he turned to Amy and Rory.

"How long were you out?" he said, whipping out his sonic screwdriver and waving it about.

"I dunno." Shrugged Rory. "An hour or two?"

"Long enough to put a tracker on you then." The Doctor said, staring at his screwdriver for a moment, then slipping it back into his pocket. "I already knew that they put one on me, it's in my boot, and I can feel it." He slumped down in the chair at the side of the console and pulled off his shoe. He shook it a couple of times, then tipped it over. A small circuit board-type thing fell out, which he promptly held up to the light.

"Just as I thought. It's a fairly simple tracker, it just attaches itself to something, and sends out an alarm if it ends up somewhere that the placers don't want it to be." He shrugged, and popped it into his pocket. "Not really a problem if you know how to dispose of it. There are three right now on the outside of the TARDIS, those'll burn up as soon as we dematerialize, 'cause the time vortex'll rip them apart. I took off mine, and…"

He pulled out his sonic again and waved it up and down Rory, then Amy. "Amy, you have one on the back of your left shoe. Rory, there's one in your jacket pocket. Take them out, and give them to me. We'll throw them out somewhere over… Leadworth?" he was rewarded by a small smile from Amy at the mention of her small hometown.

"Then what, Doctor? What do we do then?" asked Rory, fishing out the same tracker from his pocket and giving it to the Doctor. Amy did the same.

"Then, Amy, Rory…" the Doctor threw a switch on the console, and the TARDIS shuddered in dematerialization. "We're going to pay a visit to young Master Fowl."

**Sorry this took so long to update, I've been busy with my HP/DW crossover, which much more people seem to be reviewing! So if you want me to spend the same amount of time on this story, REVIEW! I would say to read and REVIEW, but since this is at the bottom of the last page, I don't think that's necessary.**


	4. Meeting Master Fowl

Chapter 4 Meeting Master Fowl

"Then what, Doctor? What do we do then?" asked Rory, fishing out the same tracker from his pocket and giving it to the Doctor. Amy did the same.

"Then, Amy, Rory…" the Doctor threw a switch on the console, and the TARDIS shuddered in dematerialization. "We're going to pay a visit to young Master Fowl."

"Fowl? Who's Fowl?" asked Rory. "Are we going to visit some alien birds this time? As long as they're not fish vampires…"

"No, no Rory! Fowl's a person, an Irish genius that the fairies seem to have a major grudge against." The Doctor smiled. "And we're going to go say hello!"

"Oh, that's very you." Said Amy, leaning up against the railing. "Find the most dangerous thing you possibly can, go say hello and offer it tea and Jammie Dodgers."

"He's not dangerous by himself, Amy. He's a twelve year old boy, albeit a criminal genius and billionaire." The Doctor paused, and thought for a moment. "Although, he might be more than he appears. Apparently he kidnapped one of the fairies and held her ransom for gold. So he must be good."

"So we're just going to offer him up an alien as well?" said Rory, seeming a little dubious. "That doesn't seem like a very good idea. Not really for you, but for him. If he somehow managed to capture you, you'd do so much damage to his house that we'd never be able to go to Ireland again!"

"Yup!" said the Doctor, his trademark grin on his face. "Fun, yes?"

"Hold on Doctor, aren't you forgetting something?" Amy said, looking at him.

"What?"

"The trackers?" she said, staring at his pocket. "Not much good going to the place the fairies told you not to go if they know that you're going there."

"Right!" he said, pulling a switch. He ran over to the doors and threw them open. "The open sea! Not much chance that they're waterproof, but better than just dumping them on the ground, right?" without waiting for an answer, he threw the tiny glittering chips out into the water. They caught the light as they fell, glittering like tiny diamonds, and then fell with tiny splashes and sank quickly. The Doctor closed the TARDIS doors after watching them sink for a moment, then ran to the console.

"Right then. Master Fowl's house. What do you think, you ready?"

Amy slipped her hand into Rory's. "We're ready."

The Doctor grinned manically and threw a switch. "Off we go, then."

.oOo.

The TARDIS materialized in what looked like a large study. Monitors lined the walls showing various news feeds from around the world. A corkboard had enlarged letters on it, but the Doctor guessed that the letters would be indecipherable symbols to anyone who had never traveled in the TARDIS. As Amy and Rory walked out of the TARDIS, and the Doctor closed the door behind them, the monitors flicked off one by one, until the room was silent.

"Doctor, ummm, what's going on?" asked Rory, looking around.

"An excellent question." came a voice from behind the TARDIS. Amy, Rory, and the Doctor turned around as if in slow motion to see a young boy, about twelve or eleven, dressed in an impeccably pressed suit and gelled black hair. "Although, it seems that that may be my question. Why have you landed a 1960's era London Police Box in my study?"

"Ah, that's very easy to explain!" said the Doctor. "Isn't it, Amy, Rory?"

"Yes, of course it is, Doctor. Why don't you explain." said Amy, almost smiling at the Doctor's discomfort.

The Doctor walked up to the boy, and squatted so that he was the same height. "Artemis Fowl. You are Artemis Fowl, aren't you?"

"Yes…" said Artemis. "Artemis Fowl the second. If you're looking for my father, I'm afraid that you're a few years too late. He's gone, now."

"No, I think that you're the one I'm looking for. Artemis Fowl the second." He peered at Artemis, and, as much as Artemis prided himself in being able to stare down just about anyone, he almost flinched. Something about this strange man scared him just a little tiny bit.

"You seem like such a nice boy, Artemis. Intelligent, obviously, witty, sarcastic. No genius compared to me, but you leave the rest of the world in the dust."

Artemis was a little worried now. What was this man getting at? The traits that he had always held dear sounded almost like insults coming from this man. "I'd like to think that I have all those traits, yes. What are you getting at?"

The Doctor looked at him, stared him down. "Why do the fairies hate you so much?"

Artemis's head snapped up, and he looked the Doctor in the eyes for the first time. He unconsciously stepped back, his breathing suddenly picking up. "What are you? You're working for them aren't you? What are you, some sort of overgrown elf or something?" He stumbled back another step, his hand going to the comm on his wrist, intending to signal Butler.

The Doctor was too fast for him, however, whipping out his screwdriver and pointing it at the comm. There was a spark, and Artemis realized that somehow, this device had knocked out his comm. The Doctor spun around and sonicked the door too, stopping only after there was a click from the door locking.

"I'm not an elf, pixie, sprite, gnome, troll, or whatever other fairy type there may be. And I am certainly not working for them- they put the three of us in their jail just because we accidentally landed in their underground lair… thing…" he waved his hands through the air as he was explaining.

"Then what are you?"

"I'm the Doctor. This is Amy and Rory Pond, friends of mine."

"Ok, so that's who you are," said Artemis. "But that doesn't explain what you are. This… Police Box obviously has technology on a level that I've only seen used by the fairies." He paused, then added one more question. "Doctor who?"

"Oh, just the Doctor. And I already told you, I'm not a fairy, nor am I working for the fairies. This," he said, patting the TARDIS, "is Time Lord technology." He leaned over to Artemis and said in a stage whisper. "It travels though time and space _and _is bigger on the inside!"

"Time Lord? Not pompous at all, then. What's a Time Lord, where are you from?"

The Doctor swept a hand towards the window. "I'm from out there! Gallifrey was my home, but it's gone now."

"Gallifrey? Is that in Ireland?"

"What? Why do people always ask me that?" the Doctor ran his hand though his hair, making it even more messy. "No, Gallifrey is- was- a planet, out there. It burned at the end of the last great Time War, though. So I'm the last of the Time Lords. That I know of, anyway. But I think that I'd know if there were more of us out there."

"So you're an alien, then." A hungry light came into Artemis's eyes. "And that's alien technology. Which you said could travel though time and space and is bigger on the inside." He walked nonchalantly over to the door of the TARDIS, and tried to pull it open.

"One problem, though," said the Doctor, who had somehow ended up in Artemis's favorite swivel chair, "you'd need me to unlock it. And there are three ways that could happen. One, I could simply snap my fingers and it'll open, which I have no intention of doing. Two, you could use a TARDIS key, but there's no way that you'd get your hands on one of those. Finally, my sonic screwdriver should open it. But even saying that you managed to get one of those steps done, you'd never be able to use it."

"And why's that?" scoffed Artemis. "Do you think that I'm not smart enough?"

"Oh, no, I have no delusions about the fact that you are a very clever boy but…" the Doctor grinned as if the next sentence gave him great pleasure. "The controls are, first of all, written in Gallifreyan. And while the TARDIS might be able to translate any language in the universe, it can't translate Gallifreyan. And… I have it set so that only people I like can even turn on the scanner, much less get it to dematerialize. So, sorry, Artemis, but I win this round."

**As you've probably noticed by now if you're reading both this story and "The Doctor and the Death Eater" I'll be alternating between writing chapters for these two stories. I figure that this one has about six or seven, maybe more if you guys want it chapters left. If you want more, REVIEW and let me know! Or let me know what you think of it so far, so I can make it even better.**

**Special thanks to Someone Who Wants a Fez, The Walls Of Jericho, and Enilas for reviewing and giving em hope that people are actually reading and enjoying this story!**


	5. Baiting Was a Bad Idea

Chapter 5 Baiting Was a Bad Idea

"Oh, no, I have no delusions about the fact that you are a very clever boy but…" the Doctor grinned as if the next sentence gave him great pleasure. "The controls are, first of all, written in Gallifreyan. And while the TARDIS might be able to translate any language in the universe, it can't translate Gallifreyan. And… I have it set so that only people I like can even turn on the scanner, much less get it to dematerialize. So, sorry, Artemis, but I win this round."

Artemis raised on eyebrow. "You think so?"

The Doctor sat back in the chair. "Yes, I do, actually." He twined his fingers behind his head. "Because we're locked in here, and any bodyguards you have won't be able to get in. I just want to have a chat with you Artemis. The fairies aren't too fond of us, either. Maybe we could form an alliance of sorts."

"But for now," he said, getting up out of his chair and walking over to the TARDIS, "we need to go."

"Not likely."

The Doctor slowly turned around, his face betraying his disappointment as he saw Amy and Rory unconscious on the floor, and Artemis holding the same gun that the fairies had stunned him with.

"You have got to be _kidding me_!" exclaimed the Doctor, putting his hands up slowly.

"Give me the key." said Artemis, taking one hand off of the gun and holding it out for the Doctor to put the key in.

The Doctor slowly lowered one of his hands and reached into his jacket. His fingers closed around his sonic screwdriver again. He'd be able to disable the gun, and then get Amy and Rory out of here.

"Artemis, you have one chance. Put the gun down, now." He began drawing his screwdriver out of his pocket, but kept it hidden behind the fabric.

"No. Give me the key." When the Doctor didn't respond, his finger tightened on the trigger. "Now."

The Doctor shook his head, and whipped out the screwdriver. But before he could disable it, Artemis had already shot. The bolt hit him square in the chest, and he collapsed to the floor, screwdriver skittering out of his hand to rest at Artemis's feet.

Artemis picked it up, and slowly rolled it though his fingers. Finally he found a button on the side. Depressing it, he found that the screwdriver emitted a high pitched whirring sound and a green light. He pointed it at his study door, and it clicked open. He then pointed it at the TARDIS, but nothing happened.

He crouched over the Doctor. "So you lied to me about this opening your ship. Well, you'll open it soon enough."

He walked out the door, keying on a wallcomm. "Butler? I have some prisoners here. Bring them to the cell."

.oOo.

The Doctor woke up, lying on a cold concrete floor. "Whaaa?" he said groggily, finding himself almost exhausted. "Amy? Rory? You there?"

There were matching groans from around him, Rory next to him on the floor and Amy higher up, presumably on a cot of some sort.

The Doctor slowly sat up, rubbing his temples. "Owwwwww. Whatever setting that Fowl boy used on us was a lot more painful than the fairy gun. Must've had it on a higher setting."

"Not to be repetitive or anything, but… Owwwwww!" Rory said. He too sat up, clutching at his head. "What did he hit us with, Doctor?"

The Doctor reached into his jacket for his screwdriver to check, but found that his jacket had been taken. He now wore only his shirt, suspenders, pants, boots, and of course, the bow tie. "Oi, he took my stuff!"

"So Irish superboy's got your screwdriver and _god knows_ whatever else is in your pockets, plus the TARDIS, and, probably, the TARDIS key. We're stuck down here with no visible means of escape." Amy looked at the Doctor, visibly annoyed. "And you're grinning!"

"Yes, well, he hasn't got the TARDIS key. He has my screwdriver, yes, and a locked Police Box. Neither of which he will be able to use because I locked the controls. Plus," he said, digging in his pants pocket, "I've got a spare." He pulled out a long, thin, silver instrument with a blue tip.

"But that blew up, when you were trying to signal the Atraxi _ages_ ago!" said Amy. "Where's you find that?"

The Doctor grinned and raised his eyebrows. "The miscellaneous cupboard. I used to go though these things quite quickly- this model wasn't as durable. So I guess that the TARDIS kept some stocked. So when I found one a week or two ago, I decided to keep it with me, just in case."

"You have a miscellaneous cupboard in the TARDIS." Said Rory, almost surprised, but not really. By now, he was almost desensitized to the _weirdness_ of the TARDIS. "Hold on, though. You said that this model wasn't as good."

"I said nothing of the sort!" said the Doctor, covering the screwdriver with his hand. "I just said it wasn't as durable."

"So in other words, we're breaking out of an Irish criminal genius's house with a rubbish screwdriver." said Amy, sighing slightly.

"Nah." said the Doctor, flicking on the screwdriver so its glow bathed his face in shadows. "We're breaking _though_ an Irish criminal genius's house with a rubbish screwdriver." He pointed it at a corner of the room. "Got that, Artemis?"

He turned it to a different setting, the whine of the device increasing slightly. A spark came from the corner as the recessed camera died.

.oOo.

Artemis watched as the screen went dark. He slowly turned the screwdriver that the Doctor had left behind over and over in his hands. The Doctor was right- he had indeed somehow locked the controls, as he couldn't figure out how to activate it. And he had not yet found a key of any sort in the pockets of the Doctor's tweed jacket. He had, however, found half a dozen maps of the universe (and one of Disney World), a brown paper bag of Jelly Babies, a cricket ball, a recorder, twelve Jammie Dodgers, and a fez.

Privately, he worried about this man. Who would wear a fez, a tweed jacket, and a bow tie of all things? But he was obviously brilliant or he wouldn't have such a marvelous jacket- with pockets that were bigger on the inside, as he had said that the Police Box was. He considered calling in some of his father's burglar contacts to see if they could break into it, but he didn't want outside help just yet.

He leaned over and put his head in his hands, staring at the screen. "Doctor, Doctor, Doctor. When will you lean that baiting is never a good idea with a Fowl?"

He turned on his wristcomm, which he had fixed after the Doctor had shorted out with his screwdriver. "Butler, I'm going to go talk to the prisoners. Come with me, I may need backup."

There was an affirmative, and five minutes later, Butler appeared at Artemis's door.

.oOo.


	6. Never Let Me Talk

**So sorry this took so long! Thanks to all who reviewed, I'll try and get out a chapter per week from now on!**

Chapter 6 Never let me talk

The Doctor quickly sonicked the door, stepping though it sideways. His screwdriver was held out in front of him, the light glowing and the device buzzing. Every so often, he'd stop and take a look at the side, pause, and then start it up again. He motioned for Amy and Rory to step out of the room behind him.

As they left, he re-sonicked the door so it appeared that it had not been unlocked. They crept around the left corner just as voices came from the other.

"Shhhhh!" said the Doctor, motioning with his hand for them to be quiet. "They're coming!"

Artemis and Butler walked around the other corner just as Amy, Rory, and the Doctor cleared the other. Artemis tried the door, then pulled out a key and turned it. Upon seeing that the room was empty, he continued after them down the same corridor. The TARDIS trio scurried back along the corridor until they hit a dead end.

"Stay here." Ordered the Doctor, stepping forward.

"What are you doing?" cried Amy, grabbing for the Doctor's arm. He shook her off, before looking back at her.

"Amy, I'm nine hundred years old. Artemis is not one to be trifled with, and, if things go pear shaped, I don't want you to be there." He looked at her, smiling. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes. He tossed her and Rory TARDIS keys on rough pieces of worn out string. "Put those on, and when I distract Fowl, you can get past him without attracting any attention. Just don't run, and you'll be fine. Get back to the TARDIS, use the key, and lock it again. I'll be able to open it with the sonic if I can. If I'm not back in the TARDIS in an hour, use the wibbly lever."

"What's the wibbly lever do?" asked Rory.

"It will take you for help."

"Help?" this was Amy now.

"The fairies." He paused. "And Amy, if I don't come back… I'm sorry." He strode back off down the corridor towards Artemis and Butler, Amy staring after him.

"You'll come back." She whispered. "It's not your time yet, Doctor."

.oOo.

"Doctor!" cried Artemis, as he opened the door. "Where are you Doctor? Why don't you come out, and we'll have a nice chat."

The Doctor stepped out of the shadows behind Artemis, Amy and Rory hiding behind him with the perception-filter enhanced keys around their necks. "A chat? Do you consider threatening me and my friends a nice little chat? Do you consider knocking me out so you can steal my TARDIS a nice chat?" he motioned for Amy and Rory to move with one hand behind his back. "Artemis, why don't you give me back my jacket and its contents, including my screwdriver, and then we can have a chat."

Artemis regarded him coolly. "You mentioned your friends. Where are they?"

"Gone."

"Gone where?" asked Artemis. "If they were still in this house, I'd be able to find them. And there's no way out, the mansion's in lockdown."

The Doctor flipped his screwdriver end over end in his hand and grinned. "Where there's a will, there's a screwdriver. And where there's a screwdriver, well… I'm often there. And where I am, there's a TARDIS. And there's no lockdown that's been invented that the TARDIS can't escape." His grin faded somewhat as Butler stepped out and looked menacing. "The only snag is that I'd have to go through you to get to my TARDIS."

"You just realized that?" scoffed Artemis. "You might not be as smart as I hoped."

The Doctor snorted. "Nah. I was just teaching you the first thing my enemies learn about me-" he grinned and, in one swift movement, turned his screwdriver on the lights illuminating the concrete corridor. As he pushed past Artemis, knocking him to the ground, he crowed, "-Never let me talk!"

.oOo.

Butler had the lights back on in minutes. The man's "screwdriver" had only caused some of the wires to fuse together, and it was the work of a few minutes with a torch to reconnect them. As the lights flickered back on, he saw Artemis getting up and looking extremely annoyed.

"We must assume that the man has escaped. The logical place for him to go would be his own base of operations, in which case, we have no chance of finding him. However, this man does not seem like the type of person who would take the obvious solution."

As Artemis paced back and forth across the tiny width of the corridor, Butler leaned up against the wall, waiting for him to say something. Artemis was a genius, and he had learned not to interrupt him while he was cross.

"So where is the least logical place for him to go? The last place we'd think to look? The place where…" Artemis trialed off as the answer came to him. "The place where we can't go." He looked sharply up at Butler. "He's gone back to the fairies."

"But didn't the fairies lock him up and interrogate him?" asked Butler. "Why would he go back there?"

"_Think_, Butler!" admonished Artemis. "Didn't you always tell me that the trick to staying alive was to be unpredictable? To pass up the best hiding place and go for the second best because people always look at the best? So to not be predictable, you must be unpredictable. But to be unpredictable, you must be PREDICTABLE! HAH!" Artemis grinned his peculiar wolfish grin.

Butler didn't quite grasp Artemis's logic, but he did get the basic point. "So how are we going to get to him, if he's hiding with the fairies?"

Artemis just kept grinning and held out a mobile phone. "We get their attention."

.oOo.

The Doctor ran as fast as he could down the corridor. By the time he had reached the study, slamming into the TARDIS at full speed and nearly breaking his nose, he was out of breath and read in the face. He coughed and spluttered for a moment, leaning over with his hands on his knees, then pulled his TARDIS key out of his pants pocket. He was still missing his jacket and screwdriver, but the TARDIS should be able to locate and transmat it into the console room.

Amy ran across the room as the Doctor stepped in, tackling him in a huge hug. "I knew you'd come back." she whispered in his ear as she hugged him. Rory stood awkwardly behind her, waiting for her to let the still panting Doctor go. She was still hugging him when he made a muffled noise.

"What?"

"Squishing! Can't. Breathe! Let. Go!" the Doctor squirmed in Amy's grasp and she finally let him go. He stood bent over for a moment trying to get his breath back before crying, "What was that all about! I go and save us from an Irish criminal genius and you go and try to suffocate me!"

Amy just smiled. "It's good to have you back, Doctor." She pranced off back to the seat by the central console, and placed her hands behind her head. "So where are we going now?"

The Doctor walked over to her, lightly resting his hands on the controls. "We need to get out of here." With smooth, practiced motions, he threw switches and pulled levers and launched the TARDIS into flight. "We need to go somewhere unexpected. Somewhere that they would never think to look for us…" he trailed off thinking. "My first instinct is to set up a base somewhere, but where can we go?"

"Well, we could always go back in time a few days, and Artemis wouldn't be looking for us." suggested Rory. "Then we could work from there."

"Yes, but that doesn't solve the basic problem." sighed the Doctor, "Artemis would still be out for us even after we hid. We need to end this once and for all, and the best way I can think to do that is to go in for reinforcements."

"Meaning what, exactly?" asked Rory, his voice nervous.

"Remember I told you about the wibbly lever?" asked the Doctor.

"Yeah…"

The Doctor grinned. "I'm going to use it." And in one quick movement, he had thrown the switch and the TARDIS was hurtling towards the underground lair of the fairies.


	7. Back to the Plaza

Chapter 7 Back to the Plaza

**Gaaaah! This took me WAY too long to write. Blame it on writer's block… Blame it on school… I'll try not to let it happen again, bear with me folks.**

Holly Short was having a bad enough day already, having had to stay at her desk the entire day working with Foaly to try and relocate the "Doctor" and his companions. So when she got the call only a half an hour after she was finally allowed to go back home, saying that the Police Box had once again materialized in the center of Police Plaza and that she needed to come back into work, she wasn't happy to say the least.

She grumbled all the way to work, and all the way through putting back on her uniform. She snapped at Foaly as he handed her the same equipment as she had been given before, and, by the time she left Ops and walked over to the Plaza, no one would go within a handful of yards of her for fear that she'd zap them with her buzz baton.

The Plaza had been cleared when she got there, the usually buzzing area silent except for the low murmur of Foaly's techs working over the box. As Holly stepped out from the side street and into the open area, they stepped away and hurried down another street, leaving her on her own. She stepped up to the box, placing one hand on the cool wood. She jumped back and raised her gun as the Doctor hopped out, not followed by his companions. She kept her gun leveled at him, but he had his hands up in the air, and he didn't look threatening, apart from the fact that he was about twice as tall as her.

"Hello." He said cautiously. He slowly started to put his hands down, but Holly waved the gun slightly. "I was just going to sit down. Can you stop waving that thing around? I'm not dangerous." Holly lowered the gun slightly, and he slowly sank to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed and propping his head up with his hands. "See? Not dangerous."

"If you truly weren't dangerous, you wouldn't have come back to Haven," said Holly, raising the gun again. Her arms were starting to get tired, but she didn't want this man to know that. "Once might be an accident, but what are you doing here again?"

"Simple." The Doctor responded, shifting his position slightly and sighing when Holly waved the gun again. "I wanted to find out exactly why Artemis thought we were working for you, and you thought we were working for him. Obviously my TARDIS is advanced technology for both of you, and as far as I can tell, you fairies are well ahead of even little Arty. So why would you think that we were working for him?"

"Because 'little Arty' is a devious little GIT!" exclaimed Holly. "He took half a metric ton of gold from us. For all I know, he could have used that money to fuel research into time travel, or to hire someone who is already a time traveler. You never know with Artemis."

"But," said the Doctor, holding up one finger to emphasize his point, "Wouldn't one of you fairies notice if he were doing that? Although, if the amateurish attempt to track us with chips that aren't even waterproof was any indication, you're not quite as good as you'd like to think that you are."

Despite herself, Holly found herself chuckling once. "Foaly? You getting this?" she called into the mike. There was a horse-like whinny, and then Foaly's voice came through.

"And I had such high hopes for you, too, Doctor." Holly fiddled with a button on the inside of her helmet, and a 3-D projection of Foaly's head hovered above it. She held it loosely in the crook of her arm, and, despite herself, found herself slightly more at ease with the Doctor.

The Doctor laughed, too. "If you want to track someone, Mr. Foaly, I would suggest not putting such flimsy trackers on a time-traveler." He laughed again. "Although, I do wonder whether you actually wanted Root to track us."

Another chuckle came from the helmet. "oh, you are good. See Holly? I told you he was good! I knew you're get rid of even the best trackers within a few minutes, so why bother wasting perfectly good equipment. And anyway- wait, hold on…"

The image of Foaly vanished from the holofield for a moment, and when he came back, he was pale. "Holly, I think that you'd better get to Ops right away. Doctor?"

The Doctor notice how scared he looked. "Yes?"

"You should come too. We've got a problem. A major problem." The image winked out. Holly stared at the Doctor.

"What have you done?" she asked slowly. "What could possibly have happened that would have scared Foaly so much?"

The Doctor shrugged and quickly stood up. "I don't know, because I didn't do anything!" He walked over to the TARDIS. "Maybe I'd better move this. Don't want to be causing a riot again."

"Not likely!" exclaimed Holly, rushing towards him to restrain him. He pulled open the Police Box door just as she caught up with him. He stopped, and Holly skidded past him into the box. She stopped dead looking around. "But this is impossible! It's… it's…"

"Bigger on the inside…"


End file.
